13 Ways to Speed Up Baseball Games

In the 2016 offseason, MLB announced a formal initiative to shorten the length of baseball games. The results of this initiative? An increase in the length of baseball games. Fortunately, the staff at the Brushback has come up with a few ideas that could actually work (no offense to the inventor of the automatic intentional walk.)

Eliminate costly nanoseconds by having the umpire scream "Play!" instead of "Play ball!" at the beginning of the game

Switch to more powerful aluminum bats so hits will get to their destination quicker

Lower the pitcher’s mound so it doesn’t take as long for the pitcher to climb up it

Instead of making relievers jog in from the bullpen, have them stand directly behind the pitcher's mound the entire game waiting for the starter to falter

Require anyone who wants to wander out of the batter’s box between pitches to do so in a full sprint

Eliminate warm-up tosses for pitchers on the Mets because they’re not going to help

Prohibit pitchers from doing that stupid thing where they fake the throw to first then spin around and fake it to third, which never works.

Eliminate the batter's box in order to prevent batters from stepping out of it between pitches

Encourage players to swallow chewing tobacco instead of engaging in time-consuming spitting

All mound visits to be conducted in Taki Taki, the language with the least amount of words

Continuously blare the music of Katy Perry from the PA system so everybody will just want to get the hell out of there

Hit batsmen should refrain from charging the mound and instead jump the pitcher in the parking lot after the game

Turn clocks back one hour in fifth inning