Ricky Davis Awarded Three Points For Extra-Hard Dunk

BOSTON, MA--Celtics guard Ricky Davis was awarded three points for a 360, two-handed windmill jam during Wednesday’s game against the Los Angeles Lakers. The amazing dunk occurred during the third quarter of the game, and was so hard and so mind-blowing that the official scorer added an extra point. Boston went on to lose the game, but Davis’ dunk softened the blow.

“What an incredible, amazing dunk. It was the hardest dunk I’ve ever seen,” said Mark Klein, official scorer of the game. “I thought he would break the rim. Anyone who witnessed that remarkable feat can understand how I could not, in good conscience, award it only two points. That would be an insult.”

Klein, who has worked in the NBA for twenty-three years, was shocked and stunned by Davis’ unprecedented display of athletic excellence and raw strength.

“It’s one thing to do a 360 degree dunk. It’s one thing to do a two handed windmill dunk,” said Klein. “But to put them both together? There’s only one word for that: sensational.”

Other witnesses agreed. Several fans seated courtside were awestruck by the sight of a human being depositing a ball through a hoop with excessive force. Celtics coach John Carroll and Lakers coach Phil Jackson could only shake their heads in disbelief.

“A miracle, that’s all I can say,” said Jackson. “A true miracle in every sense of the word. I never knew a man could be capable of a feat so astonishing and monumental. Ricky got 3 points for that dunk, but he deserved four points. Hell, they should’ve just given them the game. You can’t let this kind of display go unrewarded.”

“Wonderful. Splendid. Spectacular. A revelation, plain and simple,” said an emotional Jim Carroll. “In the course of human history, certain events become a part of our shared heritage. World War II, the moon landing--and now Ricky Davis’ awesome dunk. I only hope future generations understand the significance of this watershed event.”

Throughout his career, Davis has been known for his thrilling style of play and flare for the dramatic. Never one to settle for a generic layup, the diminutive guard always goes that extra mile to wow fans and intimidate the opposing team.

“It’s about time somebody recognized my awesomeness by rewarding me with an extra point,” Davis told reporters after the game. “I give and I give and I give, and never once has someone said ‘Thanks, Rick. Here’s an extra point for the effort.’ I’ve always said that points should be awarded based on the in-your-face-ness of the dunk. Why make every basket worth the same amount of points? What a joke.”

Earlier in the evening, Davis attempted an ambitious under-the-legs lefthanded jam and missed, drawing boos from the home crowd. But that didn’t stop him from attempting another spectacular dunk later in the game. That fearlessness has earned him the respect of his peers.

“One thing about Ricky is that he’s not afraid to hurt his team by attempting near-impossible dunks,” said Kobe Bryant, who scored 32 in the team’s victory. “He’ll trade a victory for a moment in the spotlight any day, and you’ve got to respect that. After he missed that first one and cost his team an easy deuce, a lot of people expected him to tone it down for the rest of the game. But no, he risked it all a second time, and that time it worked. ‘Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid.’ That’s what Coach Jackson says. I never knew what it meant until now.”

The fact that the Celtics lost the game did nothing to dim the accomplishment of Davis. With the team in high spirits even though they lost, it’s easy to see the healing power of super-hard slam dunking. Celtics captain Paul Pierce hopes the dunk will serve as a springboard to a late season playoff run.

“Greatness. It comes in many shapes and sizes,” Pierce mused at a post-game press conference. “Today we saw it in the form of Ricky Davis. True, we lost the game, but we gained an insight into life, heart, and the awesome potential of the human soul. If this doesn’t serve as an inspiration to us, I don’t know what will.”

“A lot of people say, ‘Well, you lost the game. Isn’t that what’s important?’” Pierce continued. “Those people obviously don’t know much about basketball. Sure, a loss is bad. But I’ll take a dozen losses in a row if it means witnessing sheer excellence every single night. Like I said, greatness comes in all shapes and sizes. It doesn’t always come in the form of a victory. Sometimes it arrives in the form of wicked
sledgehammer jam. I love that man. I really do.”

Despite the fact that the losses have been piling up, Davis and the Celtics are undeterred. The Great One has promised even harder dunks in the future, and has started lifting weights to attain maximum dunk force.

“This is just the tip of the iceberg, man,” said Davis. “You have no idea what I’m capable of. I’ve been pumping iron and shit so I can jam it even harder, and maybe achieve the first-ever four point slam dunk. As for team, well, wins and losses are a part of life. We can’t concern ourselves with the standings right now. A win will be forgotten about, but a highlight reel dunk lasts forever. Is that Zen enough for you, Phil Jackson?”