2009 NBA Draft Review


MLB Power Rankings 6/25

 
 
 

Holdout Thomas Jones Apparently Unaware Running Backs Are Interchangeable

 

NEW YORK--New York Jets running back Thomas Jones, unhappy with his contract, has decided to skip the team’s voluntary workouts and may even refuse to report to mandatory minicamp in June. Jones, who is currently in the midst of a 4-year, $20 million contract, apparently doesn’t realize that running backs are interchangeable.
      “You know I just want what’s coming to me,” Jones told the New York Post today. “I think I had a really good season last year and was a big part of this offense. Only me, Leon Washington, Ronnie Brown, Marshawn Lynch, Fred Jackson, Laurence Maroney, Fred Taylor, Jamal Lewis, Julius Jones, Matt Forte, Kevin Smith, Darren Sproles, Maurice Jones-Drew, Willie Parker, LenDale White, Chris Johnson, Selmon Young, Justin Fargas, Darren McFadden, Larry Johnson, Joseph Addai, Steve Slaton, and a few dozen others are capable of putting up the kind of numbers I put up last year, and I expect to be paid accordingly.”
       Jones feels he has plenty of leverage since he was the team’s leading rusher last year.
       “I think I’m negotiating from a position of strength,” said Jones. “Anytime you’re the leading rusher on the team people are going to give in to your demands. Either that or I've just misjudged this whole situation and know absolutely nothing about the financial realities for NFL running backs.”
       If Jones’ absence extends into minicamp, the Jets could consider picking up a running back in the draft and plugging him into Jones’ spot.
      “It's unfortunate that Thomas is unhappy with his contract, but that happens from time to time,” said Jets head coach Rex Ryan. “The good thing is that running backs are basically interchangeable and we can always find someone else to plug in there and take his place. Maybe Knowshon Moreno or Chris Wells, or better yet, some nobody we grab in the 7th round who will work for next to nothing.”

   
 
 Other News

Belichick To Send Fans Tweets From Training Camp

FOXBORO, MA--Patriots coach Bill Belichick today announced that he would be sending Twitter updates to his followers during training camp this summer.
     “I just think it will be a great way to keep in touch with my fans,” Belichick said in an interview on WEEI this morning. “I can send them updates periodically about what I’m doing, what kind of drills we’re running, whose injured and whose not, and what I’m eating for lunch. I just love this new Twitter thing. Tweet! He heh. That’s great. I have over 3,000 followers so far. You guys want to sign up to follow me?”
    Belichick also said he is setting up a Facebook page to "network" and keep in touch with family friends.


New Yankee Stadium To Include Luxury Dugout For Higher Paid Players

NEW YORK--According to a report in the New York Post, the new Yankee Stadium, in addition to boasting several exorbitantly priced luxury boxes, will also feature an upscale “luxury dugout” for the league's higher paid players. The luxury dugout will include flat screen TV’s, reclining seats, central air conditioning, and a full waitstaff.
     “The team really wants to appeal to some of the higher paid players in baseball with these luxury dugouts,” said a source close to the team. “This will be a great way to raise revenue in light of the difficulty in selling the normal luxury boxes. For instance, someone like Alex Rodriguez or Mark Teixeira might opt to pay the $10,000 weekly fee for the luxury dugout, while losers like Brett Gardner can sit in the poor people’s dugout. Hey, if it’s good enough for the fans, it’s good enough for the players.”
      The team is also said to be considering luxury bat racks for players who want their bats to be entertained by strippers.


Blue Jays: ‘If We Were In Any Other Division We Would Finish Third’

TORONTO--The Toronto Blue Jays may be the unluckiest team in baseball, stuck in a division with perennial powerhouses like the Yankees, Red Sox, and now the Tampa Bay Rays. Once again they are expected to finish fourth in the AL East, but manager Cito Gaston insists that if they were in any other division in baseball, they could easily finish third.
     “This division is brutal,” said Gaston. “We just don’t have the money and resources to compete with the rest of these teams. It’s a shame because we’ve actually improved considerably. If we were in any other division we could finish third. Our only hope, really, is that Tampa falls off the map and we can jump up a spot. If not, it will be another wasted season.”

 


©2009 The Brushback.com® All rights reserved. The Brushback is a satire site. None of the features or stories on this site are real. All names are made up, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. All quotes are fictional and any similarity to actual quotes is coincidental.

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2009 Mock NFL Draft



 

 

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March 31, 2009 - Issue 318
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