Gary Bettman Starting To Get Into Hockey Again

NEW YORK--In the midst of a scintillating postseason full of drama and unexpected twists, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is starting to get into hockey again, the Toronto Star reported today. The commissioner said he plans to watch all of the upcoming finals match-up between the Philadelphia Flyers and Chicago Blackhawks, despite being only a casual fan for the past decade or so.

“For a while there I just kind of lost interest in

hockey,” Bettman said. “But now I find myself kind of looking forward to the finals. Philly-Chicago? Count me in. Two classic franchises in great hockey cities. Maybe there’s hope for this sport after all. My friends are all excited because they’ve been trying to get me into it for a while. You win! I’m into it, guys.”

Bettman said cited increased expansion and unsatisfactory rule changes as the main reasons he lost touch with hockey for so many years.

“It was cool in the 70’s and 80’s when all the teams were in cold weather cities in Canada and the northern U.S.,” Bettman said. “But then it got kind of weird with all the expansion to places like Nashville, Phoenix and Florida. And then there were the rule changes allowing shoot-outs at the end of overtimes. Shoot outs? That doesn’t seem like hockey to me. That seems retarded. If a tie is like kissing your sister, a shoot-out is like punching her in the face.”

Bettman says he is a long way from returning to full-time hockey fandom, but the fact that he is intrigued by the sport after so many years is a promising development.

“If you told me two or three years ago that I would be eagerly anticipating the NHL Finals I would have laughed in your face,” Bettman said. “What, was I going to get excited about the Nashville Panthers going up against the Columbus Predators in a showdown between red-hot goalies Russky McCommunist and some Swedish guy with an unpronounceable name? No thanks. But you know, here I am, excited about hockey again. I’d say this is a pretty promising development seeing as, you know, I'm the commissioner.”

Despite his renewed appreciation for the sport of hockey, don’t be looking for commissioner Bettman to relinquish his New York Giants season tickets any time soon. He remains a die-hard NFL fan and believes all other sports pale in comparison to America’s national past time.

“Football is where it’s at as far as I’m concerned,” Bettman said. “It’s the best sport by a country mile and I don’t think any other sport will challenge it. The best that hockey can hope for is to be a decent alternative that gives people something to watch during the offseason. That is, if you can find it on the dial. Personally, I would have an easier time finding big foot than the Versus network.”