The Clippers now have a logjam in the front court and will probably look to move one of their big men. Blake Griffin is praying it’s him.

Thabeet isn’t NBA-ready yet, but he's got all the tools to be successful. Plus he went to UConn, which means he hasn't been wasting his time with academics the past three years.

The Thunder pass up Ricky Rubio and Stephen Curry to take…James Harden? I’ve never even heard of James Harden, and I was power forward for Arizona State last year.

Say what you want about Tyreke Evans' flaws, but he was a lottery pick for a reason: because this is the weakest draft in the about 20 years.

The Wolves were looking to draft someone who didn't want to play for them, and they scored with Ricky Rubio. Rubio is a pass-first point guard. You would be too if you couldn’t shoot.

Now the Wolves have two non-shooting point guards. Obviously one of them is going to be gone. If they’re lucky, Rubio will stick around and Flynn will decide to go back to Spain.

It’s too bad Curry wasted so much time in college learning the intricacies of running an offense when he's just going to be launching 30-foot bombs and playing h-o-r-s-e with Steven Jackson for entire games.

Jordan Hill could be the best player you've never heard of, except you've heard of him and he's not that good.

A good player taken at the appropriate slot. Neither a steal nor a reach. Should become a reliable contributor after a couple years. Terrible pick though.

Jennings skipped college to play in Italy last year, kind of like how I skipped my senior year to go backpacking through Europe, except I probably ate more marijuana than he did.

Williams won’t contribute much offensively, but he’s a decent defender and can mix it up inside. Yes, this is the 11th pick of the first round.

Any player selected by Michael Jordan is probably going to be a bust, so Jordan should just draft the player he likes best and then trade him to a rival.

Scoff at this pick all you want, but at least the Pacers got somebody really famous. Plus there’s a chance he could be a decent starter. It’s not like he went to Duke.

The Suns should be very happy with the selection of Earl Clark. Have you seen the Youtube highlight reel of this guy? All he does is dunk, block shots and drain big jumpers. Probably the greatest player of all time.

Daye is a 6-10 forward with a great perimeter game. In other words: pussy.

The Bulls go the best-player-available-from-Wake Forest route here. Actually, second best, because Jeff Teague is still available.

Holliday is a high upside player, meaning he didn’t play college ball long enough to show people how limited he really is.

The Nuggets had no picks in the first round of this miserable draft, then they blew it. Talk about a choke job.

The Hawks needed some size down low but the only guy available was someone named B.J. Mullens. Mullens was projected to go in the second round, but it was canceled due to lack of interest.

The Jazz needed someone to back up Deron Williams at the point, and Maynor did a pretty good job at VCU last season. He’s still a year away, however, from being anything but a rookie.

Collision will provide some energy off the bench. In other words, he’ll play well for five minutes then go on a turnover spree until Chris Paul gets forced back into the game.

Okay…Victor Claver? Who in fuck’s name...I don’t even…forget it. Next team.

Casspi is the first Israeli drafted by an NBA team. If the Lakers draft somebody from Hamas, it’ll be a rivalry reborn!

Mullens is a seven-footer who wasn't good enough to start in college, but he'll probably fare better in the pros because it's so much easier there.

The second half of a blockbuster trade, Beaubois will be kept in Europe for a couple years to learn the point guard position - a smart move since he’s, you know, a point guard.

Where were you when Taj Gibson was drafted 26th by the Chicago Bulls? I was watching something else, like pretty much everyone else in America, including Taj Gibson.

This is a bit of a reach for the Grizzlies, but this is a franchise that can afford to be patient as they are still a good four or five years away from being contracted.

This is a steal for the Wolves, as Ellington is one of the best pure shooters in the draft. In fact, they probably should have selected him sixth and taken Jonny Flynn here, just so people wouldn’t think they were crazy.

Douglas went to college for four years, which means he wasn't good enough to go pro until his senior year. Either that or he's a mature individual who values a college education over the NBA. (lol)

Eyenga did well in the Congo, but the competition there wasn’t quite as fierce as in the NBA. On the other hand, there are no cheetahs in the NBA. I’ll call it a wash and pencil him in as the MVP next year.