FOXBORO, MA--Patriots mastermind Bill Belichick has already started game planning for the Philadelphia Eagles. If history is any indication, the strategy should involve lots of odd formations and trickery on both sides of the ball. But one report out of Foxboro has the Patriots coach going a step further and devising a game plan that would make it snow in Jacksonville on the day of the Super Bowl.

If successful, it would be the first of its kind. No coach in NFL history has been able to control the weather, but if anyone can do it, it’s Belichick.

“We’re going to try to do it, yes,” said one member of the Patriots front office, speaking anonymously. “Bill, Charlie [Weis, offensive coordinator] and Romeo [Crennel, defensive coordinator] are putting their heads together to see if they can come up with a way to make it snow. I really think they can do it. They can do anything they want. If I were on the Eagles, I’d be guaranteeing defeat. That way at least they can look smart after they get their asses kicked.”

The front office source noted that the Patriots perform much better in the snow and would be at a decided advantage if Belichick could play Mother Nature.

“Have you seen these guys in the snow? Oh, man they love it. They’re like kids out there,” he said. “And the Eagles like to pass and it will be tough with all that white stuff falling to the ground. Plus, can you imagine the psychological effect it will have on the Eagles, knowing that their opponent is so powerful and omnipotent? I guess we should ask that question to Peyton Manning.”

Several Patriots players have talked to Belichick about their desire to play the Super Bowl in a blizzard, but linebacker Tedy Bruschi is credited for coming up with idea to make it snow through innovative game-planning.

“We have so much faith in this guy that there’s nothing we can’t ask him,” said Bruschi. “I knew he was gonna come up with a game plan that would blow the Eagles away, so I asked him flat out, ‘Can you make it snow?’ He just paused, stared off in space for a minute, and said, ‘Of course I can make it snow. I can blow up the fucking sun if you want.’”

Bruschi also said that with or without the snow, the game plan will be the most complex and difficult the team has ever encountered.

“I sat in on a meeting last week with Romeo and coach Belichick and, man, I could tell they were cooking up something big,” he said. “There were charts and graphs all over the place. The chalkboard was full of all these crazy equations and theorems. And the desk was cluttered with all kinds of random stuff, like a book by Stephen Hawking, six Rubik’s cubes, an abacus, some sort of engine and, for some strange reason, a blueprint of Donovan McNabb’s home. I don’t know what they’re plotting, but I wouldn’t want to be that guy right now.”

Belichick himself is being tight-lipped about his strategy for the big game. When asked about the possibility of creating a snowstorm, he refused to give a straight answer, instead using the opportunity to praise the Philadelphia Eagles.

“Every team and every game is different, so I’m not going to comment on our game plan right now,” said Belichick. “I will say that this Eagles team presents a lot of challenges for us on both sides of the ball, and if we don’t come to play we could be in for a long one. Are you satisfied with that answer? Good, because I think I’ve revealed too much already.”

The Eagles, meanwhile, are preparing their own game plan for the Super Bowl. Coach Andy Reid has been studying film of the Patriots to determine how to attack their hard-hitting defense. While Reid has a few tricks up his sleeve, it’s a safe bet that none will involve controlling the elements.

“We’ve got a good idea what we want to do against them,” said Reid. “It’s just going to come down to execution, that’s all. I understand the Patriots are experimenting with some innovative formations and strategies. That doesn’t surprise me at all. As far as making it snow, I’m not concerned about it. We’re from Philly so we know how to play in the elements. I’m more concerned with their players, frankly--specifically Rodney Harrison, who must see a giant juicy steak whenever he looks at Todd Pinkston.”






Belichick Devising Plan To Make It Snow In Jacksonville
January 25th , 2005- Volume 1 Issue 84