ORCHARD PARK, NY--Halfway through the NFL preseason, the rookie quarterback that’s making the biggest impact in the NFL is Denver’s Jay Cutler, who has been accurate and composed in his first two games. Cutler’s performance has prompted some teams to second guess their decision not to select him up in the draft, including the Buffalo Bills, who had only a passing familiarity with the Vanderbilt senior prior to draft day.

After watching Cutler’s impressive performance on Saturday against the Titans, GM Marv Levy wishes he at least googled the guy.

“Wow, I had no idea he was that good,” said Levy, who used his top pick on Ohio State safety Donte Whitner. “I didn’t even know what school he was from. Then I decided to google him and found all this information about how awesome he was in college. Huh. I guess I should have done that before the draft. I also should have googled Donte Whitner, because apparently he isn’t very good.”

Levy and his staff set their sights on Whitner from the get-go and never bothered to research alternatives to the mediocre safety. In the future, Levy will utilize the information superhighway in an effort to get an edge on the competition.

“The internet really is a wonderful tool,” Levy said. “All the information is right there at your fingertips. Did you know that Cutler was projected to go in the top 5 in almost every mock draft? He was. I googled his name myself. I googled the names of several players and got all kinds of information. Then I googled my own name. Ahem. Let’s just say there is such a thing as too much information. I think I’m getting a restraining order against the entire city of Buffalo.”

By passing on Cutler, the Bills left their quarterback situation largely unresolved. J.P. Losman is the favorite to win the starting job, but he has been inconsistent thus far and might not be a long term solution.

The Bills also passed on star USC quarterback Matt Leinart, because they didn’t think he was the right fit for their system.

“We saw a lot of Matt during his career at USC, so I guess we can’t say we didn’t have enough information,” Levy said. “It’s just that he didn’t seem like the right guy for the job. We didn’t want some flashy, overhyped kid coming in here whizzing touchdown passes all over the place like some big franchise quarterback. Please. Super Bowls are won in the trenches. That’s why we spent a fifth round pick on an offensive tackle.”

The Bills aren’t the only team who passed up on Jay Cutler. The Oakland Raiders, who had recently released QB Kerry Collins, used their pick on a safety Michael Huff. The Detroit Lions, having jettisoned QB Joey Harrington, took linebacker Ernie Sims. So why the bias against Cutler? One scout says that all the hype may have simply backfired.

“A lot of these guys just thought Cutler was one of those kids that flew up the draft board just because everybody was jumping on the bandwagon,” the scout said. “You can’t blame them for being skeptical. On the other hand, if you’re desperate for a quarterback it seems kind of strange to pass over the two best ones when they fall into your lap. I guess I’m just from the old school, when you used the draft to address your weaknesses, not to fuck up the whole franchise.”

Despite being passed up by ten teams, Cutler wasn’t surprised or disappointed on draft day. Instead he is grateful to be with the Denver Broncos and eager to prove the doubters wrong.

“Things happen. I had no idea where I was going to go anyway,” Cutler told reporters Monday. “I actually visited with the Bills before the draft and they were very polite and wished me luck, but they didn’t seem too serious about drafting me. Marv Levy peeked into the meeting and waved and called me ‘Jay Cutter’ and then took off. The rest of the scouts were like ‘eh.’ So I guess it’s up to me to prove them wrong. Actually I don’t even have to do anything. I can just sit back and let J.P. Losman prove them wrong. And Donte Whitner.”

 

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  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Bills Wish They Googled Jay Cutler Before Draft

August 22, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 56