Uninspired Saints Turn To David Eckstein

NEW ORLEANS--Two weeks into the 2007 season, the New Orleans Saints, favored by many to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl, have lost both their games by a combined score of 72-24. The uninspired play has prompted the team to look for help from an unexpected source: St Louis Cardinals shortstop David Eckstein, the gritty, hustling, fireplug who does all the little things that don’t show up on the stat sheet.

Eckstein was acquired over the weekend and will see some time on special teams, but the biggest impact will come from his presence in the locker room.

“We needed a little inspiration to help us recapture the magic from last year,” Payton said. “And we thought that David Eckstein would be just what the doctor ordered. He’s just a little guy, but he plays with the heart of a lion. He has the grit and determination of ten men. He hustles every second he’s out on the field, even when he’s just standing there. All you have to do is look at him and you’re inspired to reach new heights. I fully expect us to win the rest of our games now that we have him on our side.”

The Saints and Cardinals have worked out an arrangement in which Eckstein will be available to play football on Sundays and baseball during the rest of the week. The agreement included cash considerations as well as a player to be named later.

“Eckie will split time between here and St Louis,” Payton said. “All we had to give up was some cash and a player to be named later, who will probably be just some practice squad nobody. Yea it’s weird to be sending a football player to a baseball team, and vice versa, but in these days of parity and expansion it’s probably going to become a lot more common. I don’t even know what that sentence means. I guess I’m just too giddy to think straight right now.”

In addition to special teams, Eckstein could serve a limited role in the defensive secondary.

“We think David could contribute as a defensive back,” said Payton. “He’s quick, he’s rangy, he’s got deceptive strength, and he’s a determined little scamp. If I’m a wide receiver and I see that little pest following me down the field, I’m probably going to be pretty distracted. I mean, the guy is 5 foot nothin and weighs 72 pounds soaking wet. He’s this century’s Rudy, but better, because he doesn’t have a gay movie named after him.”

Opposing teams are already buzzing about the Saints’ acquisition of Eckstein, with some wondering if it will tip the scales in their favor in the NFC South. Bucs coach Jon Gruden openly admitted to being “relieved” the Saints waited until after Sunday’s game to make the acquisition.

“That’s a big pickup and frankly I’m just glad they waited until after our game against them to make it,” Gruden told reporters Monday morning. “That kid can beat you in so many different ways it’s not even funny. A big hit, a bunt, a sac fly, turning a double play, wearing down a pitcher with a lengthy at-bat – you name it, he can do it. I suppose just putting him out there is going to be a psychological edge. Eckie has so much grit in him he can almost single-handedly make up for the complete lack of grit in Reggie Bush.”

The Saints are struggling to recapture the magic that made them last year’s Cinderella team, which is why many players are welcoming the addition of Eckstein despite his obvious lack of credentials as a football player.

“I’m not worried about the fact that he can’t play football,” said running back Deuce McAllister. “We don’t need another person to run, catch, and tackle. We need someone who can show us how to be unselfish, overcome adversity, and compensate for our lack of talent with sheer guts and determination. Just talking about the guy is making me feel gritty. I want to go lay down a bunt. I want to make a diving catch. I want to hit a bunch of foul balls! Dammit, why did God have to make me so strong and talented? I hate myself. I have no heart. Only tiny little white guys with below average talent have hearts.”

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