ATLANTA--Following a miserable 4-12 season, which sunk the franchise to a new low, the Atlanta Falcons have been told by the NFL that they can videotape opponents’ signals next season if they think it might help. The “special exemption” to the anti-videotaping rule was granted out of pity, said NFL spokesman Greg Aiello.

“The Falcons have had some terrible luck this season and we felt they deserved a little mercy from the league,” said Aiello. “Allowing them to videotape their opponents’ signals should at least give them an edge. Hopefully they can translate that edge into a win or two in 2008. We’ve alerted their opponents and they’re cool with it. Everybody’s pulling for these losers now. They’re America’s team.”

Aiello reiterated that the exemption was only for the Falcons and not for the rest of the league.

“I want everyone to remember that this is not a league-wide mandate,” he said. “It’s an act of mercy. The Falcons are not playing on a level playing field with the rest of the league. They don’t even have a quarterback anymore. Chris Redman is some guy they dragged in off the street. He wasn't even in football last year. He was barely in it this year.”

The Falcons season started off with the Michael Vick suspension and went steadily down hill from there, culminating in the sudden resignation of rookie coach Bobby Petrino, who left to join the Arkansas Razorbacks.

The demoralized and downtrodden Falcons reacted to the NFL’s “act of mercy” with muted enthusiasm.

“That’s cool I guess,” said tight end Alge Crumpler. “It will probably give our coaches a little bit of an edge when they’re doing the game planning and stuff. And it will help to know exactly what kind of defense I’m going to be facing every time I line up. Still, I can’t help but think we’d be better off just filming the other team playing and then copying what they do.”

Running back Warrick Dunn said he appreciated the league’s offer but wishes it had come a little earlier in the season.

“It’s nice, but it’s basically too little too late,” said Dunn. “Where was the league back at the beginning of the year when we really needed that edge? Now we're in rebuilding mode, and this is probably not going to help us. Frankly I’d like to just sit out the entire 2008 season and let Jerious [Norwood] be the featured back. Then again, sitting and watching this team is no picnic either.”

The biggest beneficiary of the exemption will be the new head coach, who will need all the help he can get in focusing and preparing his players next year.

“This is a nice gesture and I’m sure it will streamline things a bit for our coaching staff,” said owner Arthur Blank. “Rest assured we will have assistant coaches pouring over every inch of those tapes during the games to try to discern a pattern. Once we figure out what they’re doing, we just need to put the guys in the right positions and hope for the best, which is a slight departure from our current practice of putting guys in the wrong positions and hoping for the best.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.