Mariners Bring Hargrove Back After Ichiro Signs Extension

SEATTLE--The Seattle Mariners announced Monday that former manager Mike Hargrove will return to the bench and take the reins for the rest of the 2007 season and beyond. The announcement startled rightfielder Ichiro, who recently signed a five-year extension after learning that Hargrove, with whom he often had a contentious relationship, had resigned.

GM Bill Bavasi insisted that the resignation was not a ploy to get to Ichiro to re-up with the team.

“This whole thing is just one big coincidence,” Bavasi said. “I was as shocked as anyone when Mike resigned. When he decided to come back I was equally as shocked. The fact that we locked up Ichiro in the interim is just another big coincidence. What a crazy universe we live in! Anyway, I hope Ichiro can set aside his differences with Mike and just concentrate on getting hits. He could also concentrate on the fact that he’s make $90 million. Hell, I would play for Hitler for $90 million. Actually I would play for Hitler for free, because I’m a huge World War II buff.”

Upon returning to the team, Hargrove signed his own three-year extension and said he’s refreshed and ready to lead the team to the postseason.

“Ahhh, that rest was just what the doctor ordered,” Hargrove said before Tuesday’s game. “I feel totally refreshed now. I feel like I could manage this team for another ten years. Fortunately, Ichiro signed an extension while I was gone so we are set at the leadoff spot for a while. I bet he was surprised to hear I was back. Did anyone talk to him? What did he say? Is he pissed? He’s probably pissed. Hey, tough shit buddy. Lots of people have to work for bosses who are assholes.”

Ichiro downplayed his feud with Hargrove when Hargrove resigned from his job two weeks ago, but now that he has returned, the 33-year-old rightfielder is having a hard time hiding his feelings.

“Oh my God. He’s back?” Ichiro said before batting practice today. “I thought he retired. I thought what’s-his-face, the bench coach, was taking over. Apparently his so-called ‘retirement’ was merely a ploy to convince me to sign an extension. Now I’m stuck here for five years with this dickhead! Okay, okay, calm down, Ichiro. It’s not that bad. Be a professional. Bide your time. In five years you will still be here and Mike Hargrove will be doing color commentary with Jeanne Zelasko and Scooter the Talking Baseball.”

Ichiro also took GM Bill Bavasi to task for keeping him in the dark about Hargrove’s status.

“How about a phone call to tell me he’s coming back? That would have been nice. How about a text message warning me that the door was still open and that I should reconsider signing the deal? I don’t want to come across as a prima donna here. It’s just that I feel I am being jerked around. I will continue to play and help the team in any way I can, but I will never be able to trust Mister Bavasi again. Fortunately you don’t really need to trust someone to take their money.”

Ichiro also noted that, as of Tuesday afternoon, Bavasi still had not informed him of Hargrove's return.

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