FOXBORO, MA--Just days after luring linebacker Junior Seau out of retirement to join the team, the New England Patriots cut him in order to clear his salary off the books. Seau, who was scheduled to make $1.2 million this season, was informed of his dismissal Monday morning.

“Well that’s life in the NFL I guess,” he told Boston’s WEEI sports radio on Monday night. “One day you’re here and the next day you’re gone. I can't complain too much, though. I had a nice stint with the Patriots and made a lot of good friends these past three days. The one thing I can’t figure out is why they would sign me to a deal and then cut me three days later. I guess after all these years I still don’t fully understand the economic system in the NFL. All I know is I’m not getting a penny and I somehow owe the Patriots $500,000.”

Last week, Seau received and enthusiastic call from Belichick, who convinced him that the team needed his leadership and wanted to give him an opportunity to compete for a Super Bowl ring. On Monday, he was cut without so much as a word from Belichick.

“I’m a little surprised Bill didn’t at least call me into his office and apologize,” said Seau. “I just got to my locker and there was a piece of masking tape over my name with the word ‘Cut’ written on it. Then the equipment manager—actually, the assistant equipment manager—came over and told me to clean out my locker. I said my goodbyes to the players, none of whom looked even remotely surprised, and that was that. I actually left my wallet in there, but they wouldn’t let me back in.”

The quick release of Seau was a surprise move by the Patriots because of their lack of depth at the linebacker position. His departure, combined with Tedy Bruschi’s wrist injury, further depletes an already thin unit.

When questioned about the move after practice, Belichick was his usual elusive self.

“This is all part of running an NFL team. You look at your roster, you decide what your priorities are, and you make decisions based on that,” he said. “Junior is a great player, a hall of famer, and he was a big part of our team while he was here. And that’s all I’ve got to say right now, unless someone has a softball question that you probably don’t even care to know the answer to. No? Okay.”

Now that Seau is jobless again, he’ll be forced to retire again. Just last week he announced his retirement from football for the first time, and attended a lavish, emotional ceremony held by his old team, the San Diego Chargers.

“A lot of people thought it was stupid of me to sign with the Patriots three days after I announced my retirement,” Seau said. “But I saw an opportunity and I went for it. I got a chance to play under one of the greatest coaches in the history of the game. I ran some wind sprints. I did some up-downs. I attended a meeting. It was sort of like being with the Chargers, except everybody seemed to know what they were doing.”

Today, Seau once again held a press conference to formerly announce his retirement.

“I stand here before you a proud man, a humble man, a man who has been blessed by God with the ability to play in the National Football League,” he told reporters. “This? This is not a ‘retirement’ for me. This is a graduation. I am going on to the next phase of my life. Football may be over, but I’m not going to rest on my laurels. No way. My laurels shall not be rested on. I…oops, hold on a second. I got a text message. Damn thing. Let’s see here. Hey, it’s Bill Belichick. He wants me back. Yes! What an amazing opportunity! Sorry, gotta go.”

 

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  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Patriots Cut Junior Seau For Salary Cap Reasons

August 22, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 56