Major League Baseball          
                                                                
The Red Sox produced a DVD for Roger Clemens to lure him back to Boston. The DVD reportedly consisted of a still photo of a large bag of money. Clemens is said to be “strongly leaning” towards returning to Boston. --Boston Globe

Though there was no further fallout from the Alfonso Soriano saga, manager Frank Robinson did say he was upset about Soriano’s efforts in left field. Soriano's not worried, however, as he'll be a free agent soon and there are plenty of teams looking for a nut job who can play one position. --Washington Post

Several Blue Jays players bristled at a quote attributed to JP Riccardi in the Toronto Sun, which stated “BJ Ryan is overrated, Lyle Overbay is a weirdo, Eric Hinske has the athletic ability of a cinder block, and AJ Burnett is being overpaid by roughly $54 million. I could really use a cyanide pill right now.” Riccardi later insisted the quote was taken out of context. --Toronto Sun

The Marlins slow start has GM Larry Beinfest growing impatient. He may be looking to pull the trigger on a trade and nobody – not even Joe Borowski – is untouchable. --Miami Herald

In continuing their tradition of not having good players on their roster, the Baltimore Orioles appear ready to let Melvin Mora go via free agency. The plan is to re-sign him in a couple years when he becomes too old and loses his bat speed. --Baltimore Sun

Look for the Yankees to part with Derek Jeter. I didn’t say they were going to do it. I just said look for them to do it. It’ll give you something to do.--New York Post

NBA

The 76ers Kyle Korver accidentally took a shot worth only two points Sunday night then ran into the locker room and slammed his head against the wall several times before security came and wrestled him to the floor. He is not expected to return to the team. --Philadelphia Inquirer

A well known sports blog reported today that the 76ers would trade Allen Iverson this offseason, but the word “trade” and “Iverson” were misspelled, so who the fuck knows. -- Philadelphia Inquirer

The Raptors very nearly ruined Vince Carter’s career by failing to build a decent team around him and letting him appear selfish when he purposely stopped trying. But Carter doesn’t hold any grudges. "Life's too short to be angry," said Carter. "I forgive them." --New York Post

Kobe Bryant said that despite the team’s mediocre record, this has been Phil Jackson’s “best coaching job so far,” so if you were wondering if Kobe Bryant has completely lost his shit, there’s your answer.--Los Angeles Times

Canadian athletes have historically been pussies, which is why the Suns have been pleasantly surprised by Steve Nash’s durability. -- Arizona Republic

If the Clippers don’t win the Western Conference this year, expect Elgin Baylor to finally be fired. 20 years without a title is long enough.--Los Angeles Times

NFL

Drew Bledsoe spent the offseason working out with a strength and conditioning coach to improve his quickness in the pocket, which is like Earl Boynkins spending the offseason working on his height.-- Dallas Star

It was reported that Brett Favre would consider returning to the Packers only if defenders agreed not to intercept any more of his passes because its really annoying and disrespectful to everything he’s accomplished in his storied career. --Chicago Tribune

Eli Manning once again asked Jeremy Shockey to work out with him this offseason. So apparently he’s gay. --New York Post

Nick Saban defended Ricky Williams' drug use in a meeting with the league last week, explaining that kind bud can sometimes have a calming effect on crazy people.--Miami Herald

Marc Bulger plans to take on more of a leadership role this season with the Rams, which should be hilarious to watch. --St Louis Post-Dispatch

Rumor has it the sleeper of this year's draft will have a great motor. --Denver Post