Palmeiro: Steroid Policy Unfair To Players Who Do Steroids

BALTIMORE--One day after being suspended for steroid use, Orioles slugger Rafael Palmeiro had some harsh words for baseball’s new testing policy. He claimed that it was unfair to many players, particularly those who regularly use steroids. He also said he was considering a lawsuit against the league.

“The major league baseball steroid policy is the height of hypocrisy,” Palmeiro said at a press conference Monday. “It claims to be unbiased, yet it targets one small group of players and nobody else. As a steroid user, I certainly feel that this new ‘zero-tolerance’ policy has placed a bulls-eye on my back, as well as those of my steroid-using colleagues. Fair? This isn’t fair. They didn’t even give me a warning. I was a sitting duck. ”

“Look at the players who have been suspended so far,” he continued. “Every one of them has used steroids. This is a disturbing pattern, isn’t it? You know, back in the 50’s there was this thing called ‘the red scare.’ Everyone was accusing everyone else of being communist. It was mass hysteria. The funny thing is, most of the people who were being accused weren’t communists at all. They were just being targeted as part of a witch hunt. The steroid thing is nothing like that, though. We actually are doing steroids. Still, it’s an interesting story.”

Palmeiro’s lawyer, Allan Rothstein, announced that he will file a complaint on behalf of his client alleging bias and discrimination.

“This is a calculated and systematic targeting of individuals in the league who use performance enhancing drugs,” said Rothstein. “Clearly major league baseball is threatened by these players and has decided to eradicate them from the league. It’s downright fascist, if you ask me. What’s next? Are they going to round them all up and send them to a concentration camp? We need to make this policy fair. Steroid users have as much right to be in the league as anyone else.”

When asked what steps the league could take to make the policy more equitable, Rothstein suggested better education and greater access to masking agents. Palmeiro agreed, saying that if better masking agents were available, he “never would have been caught” doing steroids.

“It’s sad that I’m standing up here having been suspended for steroid use when there are quality masking agents on the market right now that would’ve covered it up,” he said. “This did not have to happen. With the policy as it is, players are not only being deprived of these agents, they’re being discouraged to use them at all. So let me ask you, if I’m doing steroids, and I don’t have access to any chemicals that would mask them, and the steroid tester comes calling…what do you think would happen to me? Exactly. I’d get caught and be suspended. Does that sound fair to you? It does? Oh well I guess I can see whose side you’re on.”

The league has responded to Palmeiro’s charges with a mixture of confusion and anger. Bob Dupuy, president of major league baseball, reiterated that the policy is supposed to catch steroid users and that Palmeiro was in the wrong for using steroids in the first place.

“Our anti-steroid policy is designed to catch people who are doing steroids and punish them,” said Dupuy. “Therefore if you use these drugs and are caught doing so you will suffer the consequences. I don’t know how much clearer we can make this. We are trying to rid our league of performance enhancing drugs. I’m sure Mr. Palmeiro is aware of that. He was at the steroid hearings. He was mentioned in Jose Canseco’s book. He’s been a part of this since day one. Hel-lo? Is this guy OK? Maybe all that Viagra makes you blind and dumb.”

Despite the league’s strong words, Palmeiro insisted that he will soldier on with his battle against the unfair steroid testing policy.

“Believe me, all that tough talk is not going to scare me away,” he said. “I always stand up for what I believe in and I won’t be treated like a second class citizen just because I inject performance enhancing drugs into my body. I have given my heart and soul to baseball, for nothing more than the love of the game and tens of millions of dollars. And this is the thanks I get? That’s the last time I do something nice for somebody.”