PHILADELPHIA--Rudy Ruettiger, motivational speaker and inspiration for the hit movie Rudy, saw the new Disney film Invincible last night and reported that it was “the gayest piece of crap [he] had ever seen.”

Invincible tells the story of Vince Papale, a 30-year-old bartender who overcomes tremendous odds to land a spot on the Philadelphia Eagles. It echoes Ruettiger’s own story in Rudy, but according to Ruettiger, it's a sad imitation of that movie.

“That was horrible. What a piece of crap,” Ruettiger said, upon leaving the premier. “It was formulaic, trite, and hokey. And that Mark Wahlberg guy has the charisma of a wooden post. You want to see a great actor? Check out Sean Aston in Rudy, the movie about my life. It’s an Oscar-worthy performance. It’s about triumph of the human spirit, and it makes Invincible look like a steaming pile of shit.”

Rudy depicts the real life story of a young Ruettiger’s quest to make the Notre Dame football team. Like Papale, Ruettiger faced overwhelming odds but refused to abandon his dream of running onto the field with the Fighting Irish. Eventually his dream came true, and the resulting film is one of them most beloved sports movies of all time.

“Rudy is a classic, because my story is a classic,” Ruettiger continued. “Here’s a kid who was 5 foot nothin and 100 and nothin and didn’t have a speck of athletic ability. Yet I made the team because I had heart and determination. Compare that to Papale, who was already playing semi-pro ball in the World Football League. So he went from semi-pro to pro? Wow. That’s quite a leap. My nephew just made the leap from Pop Warner to the JV squad at his high school. Should we call Disney and Universal and start a bidding war?”

Ruettiger did give some credit to Invincible, indicating that it was competently directed and moderately well-written.

“Look, I don’t want to totally bash the movie. It had it’s moments. But let’s not forget who the true inspiration for this movie was: It was me, Rudy Ruettiger. My movie provided the blueprint for this movie. I’m surprised they didn’t have me on as a consultant. I could have given them some decent advice. For instance, I would have told them to fix Greg Kinnear’s hair. He’s supposed to look like Dick Vermeil, not one of the Monkees.”

Despite Ruettiger’s criticisms, Invincible has been a huge hit at the box office and has drawn rave reviews from critics. In the end, it could prove to be a bigger hit than Rudy. If that happens, Vince Papale will replace Rudy as sports fans’ most beloved underdog.

Papale, however, insists he has no rivalry with Ruettiger and says both movies are worth seeing.

“I don’t know why that guy is so mad about this. I think they are both really interesting stories worth checking out,” said Papale. “I’ve always admired Rudy for what he accomplished, and I do see a lot of parallels in our stories. I guess the biggest difference is that I made the team because I was actually good, and he made the team because everybody felt bad for him. Oh and I stuck around for a couple years and he was hustled off the field faster than a nude streaker.”

Papale also pointed out that Sean Astin has gotten really fat over the years and was never really a great actor, while Mark Wahlberg was in Boogie Nights.

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.