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SAN ANTONIO--New Cowboys coach Wade Phillips announced today that the team's training camp, scheduled to start next week in San Antonio, will be optional. The laid back coach believes the players are man enough to decide whether to attend camp on their own and don’t need some control freak imposing rules and regulations on them before the season even starts.

“I think it really should be up to the players whether or not to show up for training camp,” said Phillips, hired in the off-season to replace Bill Parcells. “They’re big boys. They know their bodies. I’m sure the guys who need it will come and participate. Those who don’t, well, I wish them luck and look forward to seeing them when the season starts. That’s mandatory, of course. You’ve got to show up for the games, otherwise we’ll all be in big trouble. It sounds draconian, but those are the rules.”

Phillips style is a sharp contrast to that of Parcells, who ruled his players with an iron fist, often with mixed results.

“Every coach has his own style and I certainly respect Coach Parcells philosophy,” said Phillips. “But I’d rather have my players respect me than fear me. Yea, some of them might be a little out of shape when the season starts, but they’ll go through the fire for me on Sunday’s. And unlike certain other coaches, they will never stab me in the back - not until our first two-game losing streak.”

Phillips laid back philosophy is a welcome change for the Cowboys, who grew weary of Parcells’ disciplinarian methods. To a man, each player feels that the drastic change in styles will be just what the team needs in order to fulfill its considerable potential.

“It’s a breath of fresh air,” said quarterback Tony Romo. “When coach Parcells was here, it was always ‘Do this’ and ‘Do that’ and ‘Don’t miss practice’ and blah blah blah. It got to the point where you were just tuning him out. But coach Phillips treats us like men and gives us the respect we deserve. Of course I’m going to be at training camp, but it’s going to be so much more fun knowing that I don’t have to be there. And you can call me naïve, but I’m pretty sure that most, if not all, of my teammates will be there, too.”

“We don’t have to go to training camp?” asked safety Roy Williams. “Fuckin A, baby! Yea! Wooohoo! Man, that is so awesome! God bless coach Wade Phillips. That dude is awesome. Parcells never let us skip training camp. He was always like ‘Do some jumping jacks. Grrr. Put down that hamburger.’ Now I get to work out on my own. When I show up for that first game I will be hard as a rock. I won’t know any of the plays, but that’s okay because I heard Wade Phillips’ playbook isn’t that impressive anyway.”

Owner Jerry Jones admitted to being “a little surprised” by Phillips decision to make training camp voluntary. However, he believes the team needs a new direction and is willing to let Phillips strategy play out before rushing to judgment.

“It’s unorthodox, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing,” Jones told the Fort Worth Star Telegram. “The players are much more relaxed and seem to be having fun for a change. Everybody really seems to love the guy. And, of course, the key to winning the Super Bowl is loving your coach. And the key to loving your coach is to hire a new one. All new coaches are loved. That’s why Wade is such an ideal coach for us: He’s new.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.