Boras: Plenty Of Teams Retarded Enough To Give Andruw Jones $100 Million

ATLANTA--Responding to rumors that he will have a hard time finding someone to meet his asking price for Andruw Jones, agent Scott Boras insisted today that there are plenty of teams retarded enough to sign the aging outfielder to a deal worth $100 million.

“Of course we can find suitors for Andruw,” Boras said today in a telephone interview. “Our asking price is somewhere in the $100 million range, and believe me, there are plenty of teams retarded enough to meet it. Before the year is over I’ll have my client inking a deal with some team who thinks his best work is ahead of him, which of course it is. You haven’t seen anything yet. Conservatively, I’d say he has 15, 20 good years left in him.”

Boras made clear early on that he had no intention of giving a hometown discount to the Atlanta Braves. The Braves responded by immediately cutting ties with Jones rather than try to meet his retarded asking price.

“We knew the Braves would balk at our asking price,” he said. “They actually expected to get a hometown discount. Ha! I would never do such a thing. Hometown discounts are the bane of my existence. I don’t even like home towns. Look, John Schuerholz may be a smart man, but he’s not going to outsmart me, because for every smart GM in this league there are two or three dummies. And when I get that $100 million deal for my client, I will be the one laughing, along with Andruw and probably the Braves organization. And most of the fans too. But I’ll be the one with a cut of the money.”

According to Boras, there are currently around 38 teams who have an interest in Jones.

“I’m putting the number around 37 or 38 at this point,” he said. “That’s actually a conservative estimate because there are still some voice mails that I haven’t even returned. I actually have two GM’s camping out on my front lawn. What’s that? There are only 30 teams in the major leagues? Why don’t you stick to reporting and I’ll stick to agenting, okay, pal? There are a lot of teams out there. Even some NFL teams have expressed interest. They're always looking for a good run stuffer.”

Contrary to Boras’ statements, however, there appear to be only a handful of teams interested in Jones’ service and few, if any, will be willing to pay upwards of $100 million.

“The guy is either delusional or he’s a liar,” said the GM. “The number of GM’s in this league that would be retarded enough to pay Andruw Jones that kind of money is extremely small. Teams are getting smarter and smarter and less apt to make huge investments in 30-year olds. Boras should ask for forty or fifty million dollars over five years, then just double his percentage to make up the difference. That way he can give a fair deal to the team and still remain unethical.”

One team that may be a god fit for Jones is the San Francisco Giants. Having cut ties with Barry Bonds, they are looking for an offensive centerpiece and have plenty of money to spend. Also, they were insane enough to pay Barry Zito $126 million.

Jones has already mentioned that he would love to play in San Francisco.

“I think San Francisco would be a great place for me to play,” said Jones. “I can definitely provide them with some power in the lineup and, of course, speed in the outfield. The fact that they gave Barry $126 million makes me optimistic. Those results speak for themselves, but hopefully that won’t deter them from signing free agents in the future.”

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