INDIANAPOLIS--Former Colts running back Dominic Rhodes agreed to a two-year, $7.5 million contract with the Oakland Raiders on Friday. Though the deal represents an increase over his previous salary, Rhodes says the money wasn't the main issue. Instead, he was simply looking to go some place where he could win.

“Like all free agents, I just want an opportunity to go somewhere and play for a winner,” said Rhodes, who won a Super Bowl with the Colts last season. “Granted, the Colts won the Super Bowl last year, but they’re still not ‘winner’ enough for me. I’m looking for the kind of winning that pays more money and gets me more carries, and doesn’t necessarily involve actual winning. It's hard to explain. The NFL economic system is very complicated.”

Rhodes, who shared running back duties last year with rookie Joseph Addai, believes he can be a full time back for a team that’s committed to winning.

“I shared a lot of the carries with Joseph last year, and it was great, but I think I’m ready to carry the load myself,” said Rhodes. “Of course, this isn’t all about me. I’m a team player. I refuse to go to any team that doesn’t have a chance to win, which is cool, because almost every team has some semblance of a chance to win. Also, I want to move closer to my family. Where does my family live? They live in Oakland - starting today, anyway.”

Strangely, every single free agent on the market this season is looking for the same thing: the chance to win, and many of them are leaving winning teams to go chase that dream. For example, linebacker Adalius Thomas left the 13-3 Baltimore Ravens to sign with the New England Patriots in order to “have the opportunity to join a winning team.”

“I’m so glad that I finally got to achieve my dream of joining a winning team,” Thomas said after signing his new contract with the Patriots. “Frankly, I would have killed myself if I had to stay one more year in Loserville with Brian ‘Loser’ Billick, that shitty, loser defense, and their miserable, unimpressive 13-3 record. What a change this is going to be! I mean, 13-3 is decent, but what I really want is to go undefeated and win the Super Bowl. Hopefully I can achieve that with the Patriots. If not, I'll just have to settle for the $20 million in guaranteed money.”

With the plethora of free agents looking for a chance to win, mediocre to bad teams were expected to be at a major disadvantage this offseason. However, that hasn’t been the case, as teams with losing records have done just fine signing free agents.

Former Bills cornerback Nate Clements became the highest paid defensive player in NFL history when the 49ers signed him to a 8-year, $80 million contract. Clements left the Bills, owners of a 7-9 record, to join the 49ers, owners of a 7-9 record, because he wanted “a chance to win.”

Coach Mike Nolan is optimistic that he can attain that goal with the Niners.

“I really respect Nate because he didn’t just go to the highest bidder, he went to a team that he felt was in a good position to win,” said Nolan. “He sat in my office, looked me straight in the eye, and said ‘Coach, I don’t care about the money. I just want to be on a winning team before my career is over.’ Of course, that was after we offered him $80 million. We probably should have opened with a lower offer, but whatever. He’ll see about a quarter of that money before we cut him and he slinks back to Buffalo to beg for a one-year deal.”

With Rhodes out of the picture , the Colts are prepared to go into the season with Joseph Addai as their starting running back. As much as they loved Rhodes, they were not prepared to pay him his market value.

“Dominic has been great for us, but it’s unreasonable to think we can pay him what we would pay a starting running back,” said coach Tony Dungy. “If he can go out and find a team willing to do so, more power to him. He has every right to do that. That great performance in the Super Bowl last year? It was an audition for other teams. Don’t kid yourselves. He was seeing dollar signs with every yard he gained. But hey, don’t feel bad for us. We would have traded him to the Bears halfway through the second quarter if they came at us with a decent offer.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.