Randy Johnson Defies Odds By Continuing To Suck

NEW YORK--When the New York Yankees signed Randy Johnson to a two-year, $32 million contract last year, they were expecting a staff ace that would carry them to another World Series title. Johnson was expecting the same thing, as was nearly every baseball fan in the country, since the Big Unit is one of the most successful pitchers of his generation. However, Johnson has defied the odds by consistently sucking all season long.

It’s no surprise to Johnson, who has made a career out of defying expectations.

“I’ve been told many times during my career that I can’t do this or I can’t do that,” said Johnson. “I really don’t pay attention to what the naysayers have to say. They told me I would never win a World Series in Arizona. Well, they were wrong. I went out and did just that. Then they told me I couldn’t fail in New York. They said I was still a dominant pitcher and that I would be the missing piece that the Yankees needed to win another World Series. Well, guess what? They were wrong! I’m failing miserably. Now who’s laughing?”

After finishing 2004 with a sterling 2.60 ERA, Johnson entered this season with high expectations. Unfortunately those expectations have not been met. Johnson currently owns a 4.34 ERA and is coming off a start in which he allowed three consecutive home runs to the light-hitting Chicago White Sox. All in all, it’s been a disappointing year.

“It’s been rough. It’s been a total disappointment,” said Johnson. “I’ve wanted to play for the Yankees my entire life. This was supposed to be a final stop to cap off my hall of fame career. But it just hasn’t worked out for me. That just goes to show you that the so-called ‘experts’ don’t always know what they’re talking about—especially the ones who said I wasn’t all washed up. Boy, do they have egg on their faces now.”

When Johnson started off the season slow, many dismissed it as an aberration, saying that he just needed to get used to American League hitters. As one of the premier pitchers in the game, he was bound to improve. Months later, with August winding to a close, Johnson doesn’t seem to be getting any better.

Manager Joe Torre has given up on hoping that Johnson will turn it around before the season is over.

“The season is almost over. We’re going into September here,” said Torre, who’s Yankees are in second place in the AL East behind the Boston Red Sox. “I’m no longer expecting Randy to turn it around. He’s had plenty of chances to do it, but it just hasn’t happened for him. It’s quite vexing, that’s for sure. I have to hand it to him, though. He certainly has proved a lot of people wrong. If he keeps sucking like this through the remainder of his contract, it’s going to be a Cinderella story of sorts. He’ll be like the ‘Rudy’ of underachievers.”

When asked if he thought Johnson was wilting under the pressure of playing in the Bronx, Torre pointed out that Johnson has pitched on the big stage many times before.

“Randy has been in the World Series before. In fact, he pitched in this ballpark as a visitor during the World Series,” Torre said. “I’m pretty sure whatever is happening with him right now is not a mental thing. He just stinks in general. Maybe it’s his age, I don’t know. Maybe signing a 42-year-old wasn’t a good idea. I guess the bright side is we’re paying him tens of millions of dollars. Nothing makes me laugh harder than seeing George Steinbrenner waste his money.”

Johnson is still hoping for a World Series title this season. If that doesn’t happen, he plans to work hard in the offseason and try again next year.

“I’m not going to just fold my tent and go home,” said Johnson. “I’m a warrior. I’m a survivor. This year has been an adjustment year for me, that’s all. I’ve learned that AL hitters are a little different, in that if you throw them 91 mph fastballs down the middle of the plate, they tend to hit it. Why wasn’t that on the scouting reports? I don’t know. But the important thing here is they’re paying me millions of dollars. Nothing makes me laugh harder than seeing George Steinbrenner waste his money.”