Report: Some Americans Do Not Own Sports Blogs

NEW YORK--According to a report published in USA Today, some Americans still do not own sports blogs. The report estimated that a staggering 13 percent of US citizens had no sports blog whatsoever, while an additional 8 percent were in the process of constructing one. The numbers came as a surprise considering the number of sports blogs currently cluttering the internet.

“13 percent? Wow. What the hell are these people waiting for?” asked Joe Deegan, of Deegan’s Killer Sports Blog, “I thought everyone had one. All my friends do, and so does everyone in my family. Even my grandmother, Edna, has one. It’s called Edna’s Extreme Fighting Forum. Isn’t that cute?”

Deegan started his blog because he wanted a public forum for his unique and exciting opinions about the world of sports. Since May he has logged a total of 872 hits and says he is developing a cult following.

“It’s growing, slowly but surely,” he said. “I’m averaging about 30-35 hits per day right now. Some of them are people I work with and some of them are people in my family, and some of them are people who accidentally stumbled upon the site in a search engine. So I’m definitely attracting a diverse fan base. I think it’s my honesty that appeals to people so much. I don’t really pull any punches. If you want no-holds-barred sports commentary, come to Deegan’s. If you want good, quality writing, go almost anywhere else.”

Another sports blogger, Hal Pirsig of Off the Wall Sports, said that sports blogs provide a much-needed alternative to professional or “corporate” sports analysis.

“If you go to ESPN.com or CNNSI.com, you’re getting the same sanitized, corporate funded bullshit over and over again,” he said. “Where’s the common man’s perspective? Where’s the fan’s perspective? I’m telling you, America would much rather hear from a die-hard, true-blue sports fan than some overpaid talking head who just happens to be an excellent writer and privy to all sorts of fascinating inside information that no normal person would ever hear. I’m providing a service here. If I quit updating Off the Wall Sports, there are nine or ten people out there who are gonna be pretty pissed off.”

The author of the report, Dr. Grey Langheim, said that people who did not own sports blogs typically fall into the “people with a life” category.

“Most blog-less Americans are people with meaningful, productive and fulfilling lives,” said Langheim, author of E-Nation. “Their busy schedule and zest for living prevent them from planting themselves in front of a computer for hours, musing on every tiny development in the world of sports. However, the vast majority of American lives are meaningless voids, and that explains the plethora of sports blogs.”

The nation’s sports bloggers deny their lives are meaningless. They claim to be productive, successful members of society that happen to share of love for sports and sports journalism. To them, the blog-less Americans are the ones to be pitied.

“No sports blog? I can’t imagine that. If I ever met someone who didn’t have a sports blog I’d wouldn’t even know what to say to them,” said Laurie Elrich, of SportsBitch. “Having a sports blog isn’t just keeping some diary, it’s about sharing your thoughts with other people. It’s about debate. SportsBitch features my own unique and offbeat take on the world of sports. I don’t have a boss and I don’t have any corporate sponsors, so I can say anything I want, no matter how banal.”

Stephen Jay, editor of Wired magazine, can envision a day when almost all human conversation takes place in sports blogs.

“The day will come when every single person in the world will run their own sports blog,” said Jay. “There will be over 6 billion of them. There are already a few hundred million. We’re getting there, but sadly, there are still a lot people out there who have not publicly documented their opinions about sports matters. They’re just sitting there keeping their thoughts to themselves, not bothering to tell the world what they think of the Shaq-Kobe feud or the signing of Randy Johnson. Well, what do you all think? Hello? I can’t hear you.”