NEW YORK--Just two weeks after suspending Pacman Jones for the entire 2007 season and Chris Henry for 8 games, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell suspended Celtics point guard Sebastian Telfair for 25 games. Telfair was arrested Friday after police pulled him over for speeding and found a loaded gun in his car.

Goodell said the arrest was part the NFL’s new zero tolerance policy toward criminal behavior.

“Sebastian’s behavior was unacceptable,” said Goodell. “He went out, he drove past the speed limit, and he had a loaded gun in his car. This is not the kind of image we want to portray of the NFL. Now, a lot of people will argue that he's not actually in the NFL. That's true. He’s not in the NFL. But that doesn’t mean he’s above the law. He still needs to be held accountable for his actions. Hopefully now people will see just how serious and unreasonable we are when it comes to cleaning up this league.”

Telfair has had some brushes with the law in the past, which was another factor in Goodell’s decision to hand down the suspension.

“Sebastian is not a first offender,” said Goodell. “He is a kid who has been in trouble repeatedly in the past. It’s the same old story. Nice kid, loads of talent, gets in with a bad crowd, gets in trouble. We’ve already seen it from Pacman Jones and Chris Henry, and we need to send the message out that it is not to be tolerated. The best thing for Sebastian to do right now is cut himself off from the wrong crowd, i.e. every single person he knows.”

Telfair, who was called to a meeting with the commissioner on Monday afternoon, said he was shocked to hear of his suspension, especially since he has yet to be convicted of any wrongdoing. But a meeting with Goodell did help to clear the air.

“When I first heard about this I thought it was ridiculous, but I’m glad I got to sit down and talk to the commissioner,” Telfair told The Boston Herald. “He was a real straight shooter. He explained that the NFL was cracking down on bad behavior. Of course, I pointed out that I’m not actually in the NFL, but he told me to stop using that as an excuse. He’s right, in a way. I mean, not being an NFL player is no excuse to go out and get arrested. Plus I’m used to not playing. I can do 25 games standing on my head.”

Now that Telfair is looking at a 25 game suspension, it’s almost certain he won’t be back in Boston, and there is some doubt whether he will ever play in the NBA again.

However, Stu Jackson, Vice President of Basketball Operations for the NBA, said that Telfair will be free rejoin the league once he serves his suspension, and it’s up to teams whether or not they want to sign him.

“Whether or not Sebastian continues his NBA career is really up to the teams,” said Jackson. “We’re satisfied with the punishment. We feel like Commissioner Goodell was justified. It might be little unorthodox for the NFL commissioner to suspend an NBA player, but I don’t think you can criticize the guy for doing something for the good of the league, just because it’s not his league. That’s just nitpicking.”

In addition to suspending Telfair, Goodell also fined him $50,000 for wearing the jacket of a sponsor who was not affiliated with the NFL.

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.