INDIANAPOLIS--Pacers guard Jamaal Tinsley, who was the victim of a shooting in Indianapolis on Sunday, doesn’t understand why everyone is making a big deal out of it. The 29-year-old has been shot at several times and just assumed everybody is victimized by gunshots once in a while.

“You know how it is,” he said to reporters today. “You’re out and about and you have a confrontation with somebody and all of a sudden they open fire on you. Or somebody pulls up beside you and sprays your car with bullets. That kind of thing. I don’t understand why everyone’s making such a big deal out of it. It’s not like I’m the only one out there dodging bullets every day. It happens to everyone…right?”

Tinsley feels that his status as a professional athlete leads to the media making a big deal out of “an everyday occurrence.”

“Obviously as a professional athlete I’m in the spotlight,” said Tinsley. “And I expect people to pay some attention to the things that I do. But this – this is ridiculous. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill. I bet you guys don’t land in the newspaper every time some asshole takes a shot at you. Ahh! Get down! Oh...that was just a door slamming.”

When one reporter told Tinsley that it was extremely rare for anybody to get shot on the streets, he cited several examples from his personal life as evidence to the contrary.

“Getting shot is a part of life,” he said. “It’s just one of those annoying things you have to deal with like stepping in chewing gum or getting splashed by a passing car. I got shot at twice this month and someone fired at my cousin, too, while he was standing in line at the store. Amazingly the gun he had in his pocket blocked the bullet and saved his life. It was a Christmas time miracle.”

On Monday, Pacers president Larry Bird urged Tinsley to make some changes in his life to avoid being in the line of fire. Though the team did not discipline Tinsley, there are some hints they are losing patience with his act.

“It’s time for Jamaal to make some changes in his life,” said Bird. “We know he’s not a criminal, but he does seem to get himself into some pretty difficult positions from time to time. For instance, he should not be hanging at the Cloud 9 until three in the morning. Everybody knows that nothing good happens after two. It doesn’t even happen after one. The only time it really happens is between 10 and 12 when they have those discounted lap dances.”

Tinsley’s former teammate, Stephen Jackson, defended him today by saying he was merely in the wrong place at the wrong time.

“Jamaal hasn’t done anything wrong and he doesn’t have to make any changes in life,” Jackson said. “He just got victimized by some thugs is all. This isn’t the first time it’s happened to him. He grew up in a tough neighborhood and experienced that kind of thing all the time. That’s why he’s so jaded. You could pump that guy full of lead and he wouldn’t even bat an eyelash. He would probably shoot back, though.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.