LA JOLLA, CA --Tiger Woods and Roger Federer, once close friends, are apparently on the outs following Federer’s stunning loss to Novak Djokovic in the Australian Open. According to Federer, Woods won’t even return his phone calls, leading him to believe that their friendship is officially over.

“I guess that’s it for me and Tiger,” Federer said on Monday. “We used to talk almost every day and now he won’t even return my phone calls. I text messaged him several times and he didn’t return those either. I guess he thinks he’s too good for me now that I’ve been ousted from the Australian Open. In a sense, I don’t blame him. I lost to some nobody from Russia. I wouldn’t want to be my friend either.”

The closest Federer has come to reaching Woods was yesterday afternoon when his wife, Elin, answered the phone and said he wasn’t available.

“I was so excited when somebody picked up the phone, but it was his wife,” Federer said. “She told me he wasn’t available. Actually, first she said 'Sure, hold on’ and then there was a long pause, then she came back on and said he’s not available. Then I asked her where he was, and she was like ‘He…went to…um…France?' So there you go. Apparently he’s going all the way to France to get away from me.”

With the loss to Djokovic, many are pondering whether the 26-year-old Federer’s historic run of dominance is nearing its end. Meanwhile, Woods has been playing as well as ever. Can the friendship survive the obvious gap in talent?

“Our friendship is just fine,” Woods said on Sunday. “I really like Roger. It’s just that I’ve been real busy lately and haven’t had a chance to call him back. I probably won’t ever have a chance to call him back. That’s how busy I am. It’s just one thing after another. So if you talk to him, tell him never to call me again.”

On the other hand, Woods had kind words to say about Novak Djokovic.

“That Djokovic kid is pretty good,” he said. “The fact that he beat the best player in the world – well, alleged best player – shows me that he’s got guts and competitive fire. He has a big future in front of him. In fact, we’re going out to dinner tomorrow night. I really want to pick his brain to see what makes him so successful.”

When Federer heard about Woods and Djokovic’s blossoming friendship, he was devastated.

“Wow, I feel so betrayed,” he said. “I can’t believe Tiger is so taken with this one hit wonder. By next year he’ll be ranked in the hundreds and I’ll be dominating again. Then maybe I’ll give Tiger a taste of his own medicine and start hanging out with Phil Mickelson. Ugh, actually I think I’d rather just forget the whole thing.”

Copyright 2008, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.