CHICAGO--In the wake of the stunning rejection of their bid to host the 2016 Olympics, Chicago lawmakers have abandoned efforts to clean up the city and are now going back to not caring about the crime rate. Mayor Richard Daley, speaking to reporters hours after the IOC’s decision, said that residents could “go back to killing each other” for all he cared. “Oh, go ahead. Keep shooting and stabbing and killing each other, you maniacs” said Daley. “We lost the Olympics and honestly I don’t give a shit anymore. I’m through pretending to care about the crime rate and making efforts to clean up this mess of a city. Let the president of Brazil worry about that now. I’m going to have a beer.” Daley then went to a bar and got shitfaced before urinating all over the sidewalk.