January 20th - Issue 85

Sportswriter Can’t Stop Ranking Things

Female College Athlete Receiving No Free Cars From Alumni

February 22nd - Issue 90

ESPN Receives Annual Government Grant To Distract Populace

Fallujah Devastated After Losing Out On Summer X-Games

March 8th - Issue 91

Spelling Bee Champ Tired Of Being Disrespected

March 29th - Issue 93

Teen At Party Pressured Into Trying Steroids

Poker Officially Ceases Being Cool

May 10 - Issue 99

Hamstring Injuries Linked to Being A Big Pussy

MLS Commissioner Invited To Steroid Hearings Out Of Politeness

May 24th - Issue 101

Reporter Tired Of Pretending To Care What Rasheed Wallace Thinks

Story Of Gay Lacrosse Player Inspires Other Gays To Play Lacrosse

ESPN Hollywood Preemptively Canceled

July 19th - Issue 104

Lance Armstrong’s Kids Touched By How In Love He Is

August 16th - Issue 108

Iraq Constitution Fails To Address Steroid Issue

Stoned Person Finds Himself Watching Figure Skating

August 23rd - Issue 109

Study: Being In Gang Actually Way More Fun Than Playing Sports

September 6th - Issue 111

FEMA Mistakenly Descends On Miami Hurricanes Game

September 13th -Issue 112

Woody Paige Overdoses On Painkillers Following Heartbreaking Around the Horn Loss

Lance Armstrong Sells Uranium To Iran Just To Piss Off France

September 20th - Issue 113

World Still Not Chilling Despite Coke Commercial

September 27th -Issue 114

NASCAR Drivers No Longer Allowed To Get Drunk During Races

September 27th - Issue 114

Wheelchair Athletes: Is It Wrong To Push Them Down The Stairs?

November 22 - Issue 12

Study: More Kids Wearing Gay-Ass Helmets To Ride Bikes

November 29 - Issue 123

Love Train Driver Charged With Operating Under The Influence