January 6th - Issue 82
Randy Moss Wins Trash Talking Match With 8-Year-Old Packers Fan
Chiefs To Spend Offseason Shoring Up Offense
January 13th - Issue 83
Defender Can’t Stop Laughing At Latrell Sprewell’s Hair
Vanderjagt Extremely Disappointed By Peyton Manning’s Performance
January 20th - Issue 84
Resolute Bush Sticking With Colts As Superbowl Pick
NFL Cornerbacks Plead With Brett Favre To Return Next Season
January 20th - Issue 85
Rodney Harrison Pretty Sure Paperboy Just Disrespected Him
February 1st - Issue 86
God Loses Showdown With Bill Belichick
February 22nd - Issue 89
Cowboys Acquire 1996’s Top Quarterback
March 8th - Issue 91
NFL Free Agent Signs Make Pretend 6-Year Contract
April 19th - Issue 96
Mel Kiper Totally Forgets About Draft
April 26th - Issue 97
Terrell Owens Now Slightly Less Popular Than Al Qaeda
Ravens’ Top Pick Feels Self-Conscious About Lack Of Police Record
May 3rd - Issue 98
Kellen Winslow Blasts Hospital Staff For Lack Of Intensity
July 19th - Issue 104
Peyton Manning Taunts Tom Brady With ESPY Award
Sucker NFL Player To Attend Training Camp
July 26th - Issue 105
Ricky Williams Formally Apologizes For Being Lenny Kravitz Fan
August 9th - Issue 107
Nation’s Jobless Receive Emergency Airlift Of Madden 2006
August 16th - Issue108
Owens Has Eagles Right Where He Wants Them Now
August 23 - Issue 109
Bledsoe Too Indecisive To Complete Handoff
Randy Moss Confesses To Smoking Pot Next Week
August 30th - Issue 110
Bears To Pay Benson Entirely In Quarters
Hurricane Puts Things In Perspective For Fantasy Owner
September 13th - Issue 112
Sideline Reporter Jailed For Refusing To Reveal Her Source
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September 20th - Issue 113
Kordell Stewart Narrowly Edges Stephen Hawking For Ravens Backup Job
Vikings’ Improved Chemistry Makes Losing Fun
September 27th - Issue 114
Entire Under Armour Football Team Tests Positive For Steroids
Mike Sherman Threatens To Crack Some Skulls If Team Doesn’t Shape Up
October 4th - Issue 115
Chargers Finally Vindicated For Cutting Rodney Harrison
October 11th - Issue 116
Texans Defense Wishes It Could Face Texans Offense
October 18th - Issue 117
Defender Flagged For Hurting Quarterback's Feelings
Next Week’s Vikings Sex Party Cancelled
October 25 - Issue 118
Where Are They Now: Cedric Benson, Running Back
Fugitive Al Qaeda Leader Forced To Get Fantasy Stats By Courier
Troy Aikman Apologizes For Grammatical Error During Football Broadcast
November 1 - Issue 119
Most Exciting Play Ever Immediately Placed Under Review
Security Breach Allows Jeff Garcia To Run Onto Field During Game
November 8 - Issue 120
Daunte Culpepper Heroically Leads Madden Team To Super Bowl Win
Bono Tours Baltimore Ravens Locker Room
November 15 - Issue 121
49ers Not Mentioned In Recap Of 49ers-Bears Game
November 22 - Issue 122
Reggie Bush Preemptively Refuses To Sign With Jets
November 29 - Issue 123
Chad Johnson Tramples Small Child To Get To Television Camera
Bobby Bowden Not Even Pretending To Coach Anymore
December 6 - Issue 124
Joey Harrington Laughing His Ass Off At Lions Loss
Colorado Pumped Up About Champs Sports Bowl
December 13 - Issue 125
Texans Wish They Were Losing On Purpose
Vince Young Doesn’t Give A Shit That He’s Failing Calculus
December 20 - Issue 126
Kyle Orton Thinks There’s Quarterback Controversy In Chicago
Millen To Avoid Mentioning Anti-Millen March At Next Job Interview
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