January 3 - Issue 127
2005 Sportsman of the Year: Video Game Michael Vick
Poll: Nobody Gives a Shit Who Brady Quinn’s Sister Is Dating
January 10 - Issue 128
Reggie Bush Now Projected As High Third Round Pick
January 17 - Issue 129
Herm Edwards Vows To Do For Chiefs What He Did For Jets
Cursed Patriots Fail To Win Super Bowl For Second Time In Five Years
Nick Harper’s Wife Stabs Him Again For Screwing Up Fumble Return
January 24 - Issue 130
NFL Running Out Of White Assistants
January 31 - Issue 131
Defiant Skip Bayless Picks Vikings To Win Super Bowl
Steelers Hoping To Catch Seahawks Looking Ahead To Pro Bowl
Report: Many Seahawks Fans Rooting Against Jerome Bettis
February 7 - Issue 132
Seattle Players Stayed Sober All Week For Nothing
Steelers Still Trying To Put Positive Spin On Super Bowl Win
February 14 - Issue 133
Raiders Seeking Swagger Instead Of New Defense
February 21 - Issue 134
God Tells Antwaan Randle El To Sign With CFL Just To See If He’ll Do It
February 28 - Issue 135
Jay Cutler Aces Wonderlic While Blindfolded
March 7 - Issue 136
NFL Offers Players’ Union 5-Year Non-Guaranteed Deal With Incentives
March 28 - Issue 139
NFL Playoff Field Expanded To Include Everyone But Ravens
April 4 - Issue 140
Terrell Owens Rap Song Mistaken For Parody Of Terrell Owens Rap Song
April 11 - Issue 141
Sports Fans Ask NFL To Leave Them Alone For A Few Months
Bills To Place Price On Practice Squad Until Contract Year
April 18 - Issue 142
Report: Texans May Use Top Pick On Some Nobody From NC State
April 25 - Issue 143
Leinart Insists Being An Airhead Won’t Affect Performance On Field
Bears Hide All Laptops In Anticipation Of Ricky Manning's Arrival
May 2 - Issue 144
Bills Looking For Defenders Who Won’t Mind Being On Field For Entire Game
May 16 - Issue 146
New Orleans Levees To Be Fixed Now That Reggie Bush Is In Town
May 23 - Issue 147
Community Hoping Ricky Manning Doesn’t Get Community Service
June 6 - Issue 149
Bengals Adopt Tough ‘Six-Strikes-You’re-Out-Rule’ For Players Who Break Law
McNair Confident He Can Learn Ravens Offense In About 10 Minutes
June 13 - Isue 150
Pro Athletes’ Motorcycles To Be Equipped With Training Wheels
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July 11 - Issue 153
Broncos Looking For Fast Guy With Cement Hands To Replace Ashley Lelie
July 18 - Issue 154
Andy Reid Comes Up With Idea To Let Running Back Advance Ball
July 25 - Issue 155
Raiders Vow To Stop Playing Raider Football This Year
August 1 - Issue 156
Shockey, Burress Ordered To Stop Playing Keepaway From Eli Manning
Bills Top Pick Demands To Be Paid Like Late First Rounder
August 8 - Issue 157
Lions Players No Longer Allowed To Ride Golf Carts Back To Huddle
August 15 - Issue 158
Rest Of Oklahoma Football Players Hastily Quit Their Fake Jobs
Hero Ben Roethlisberger Not Letting Face Injury Affect His Throwing
NFL Players Loading Up On HGH Before They Start Testing For It
August 22 - Issue 159
New, Overhauled Madden Game Comes With Completely Different Cover
Bills Wish They Googled Jay Cutler Before Draft
Patriots Cut Junior Seau For Salary Cap Reasons
August 29 - Issue 160
Ashley Lelie Pays $982,000 To Run Decoy Routes For Alge Crumpler
Report: Planet Still Doomed Regardless Of Who Wins Heisman
Rudy Can’t Believe How Gay New Vince Papale Movie Is
September 4 - Issue 161
Dan Marino Signs One-Day Contract To Retire With 49ers
Cardinals Celebrate Fifth Consecutive Year Of Being Sleeper Team
Media Criticized For Not Adequately Hating Notre Dame
Report: Some NFL Players Still Haven’t Been Shot
September 11 - Issue 162
Injury Prone Panthers To Stop Playing Hard On Every Single Play
Buckeye Fans Already Setting Sights On Next Year’s Championship
September 18 - Issue 163
New Rule To Protect Quarterbacks Prohibits Them From Taking Field
Teammates Jealous Of Jerry Porter For Being Benched
Redskins Fire 17 Coaches Following Loss
September 25 - Issue 164
Plaxico Burress Berates Ball For Falling Out Of His Hands
Lions Shift Focus To Covering Point Spreads
Coker Tells Players They’ll Have To Do Their Own Damn Homework If They Don’t Shape Up
October 3 - Issue 165
Ricky Manning Mentally Pummeling Jewish Reporter
October 10 - Issue 167
Study: NFL Increases In Popularity As Life Becomes More Meaningless
Bears Tell Kim Jong Il To Cut The Shit
October 17 - Issue 168
College Football Game Marred By Unbelievably Cool Brawl
Small Town Criticized For Holding High School Football In Proper Perspective
October 24 - Issue 169
Merriman Blames Positive Steroid Test On Crappy Masking Agent
Brady Quinn Assures Raiders Scout He’s Not That Good
October 31 - Issue 170
Bored Buckeyes To Play Next Game Drunk
New Flexible Schedule To Eliminate All Remaining 49ers Games
November 7 - Issue 171
Ron Zook Predicts Illinois Will Play In Champs Sports Bowl By 2010
Saints Looking To Trade Next Gale Sayers For Third Round Pick
Steelers Lose Again Despite It Being Unacceptable
November 14 - Issue 172
Boo Boo Forces Colt McCoy Out Of Crucial Game
Sports Media Biased Against Every College Football Team
November 21 - Issue 173
Belichick Confuses Bears By Putting Rex Grossman On Injury Report
November 28 - Issue 174
Mora Jr Wishes Michael Vick Would Kill Him For Real
Word ‘Accountability’ Uttered 342 Times During Players-Only Meeting
Denver Offensive Linemen Drooling Over Opponents’ Kneecaps
December 5 - Issue 175
Fantasy Owner Gives Rex Grossman Vote Of Confidence
December 12 - Issue 176
Colts Urge League To Crack Down On Teams Running Against Them
Alabama Sheepishly Offers Mike Shula His Job Back
Out-Of-Contention Raiders To Start Teeing Off On Quarterbacks
Decemeber 19 - Issue 177
Sound Of Gunfire Heard From Bottom Of Fumble Pile
Reclusive Chad Johnson Grants Rare Interview To Suzy Kolber
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